The story of Neebs and Associates is coming to a close. Let’s see what terrors they are currently facing.



  • Ciaran (LVL24) and Basile (LVL26)
  • Alkaid (LVL 25)
  • Kass (LVL 23)
  • Rhaegar (LVL 25)
  • Neebs (LVL25)

The party floats in the void outside of Infernus, as those who were also once part of Neebs and Associates are dragged through the portal by ghostly chains: H’rathen, Dwayne, Stormageddon, Nergal, Skull King, Sbeen, and the alien-like corpse of a changeling who was once Toth.

Marven starts eating the corpse of Pendralar that Dwayne cooks. Sbeen is crying because the last time he saw them he had killed Basile. He sees Basile and starts air-swimming to him, but Basile nopes away from him. H’rathen floats over to the white guy and Ciaran tells him to speak with dead. H’rathen slaps him in the face but the spell doesn’t work. He can’t seem to communicate with anything outside of this plane of existence. He attempts to Plane Shift them away, but it fails. The group asks if the Heart of Mechanus can be used to help, and Pythos explains that if he stops casting magic, Lucifer will find them and kill them.

Deciding they need to find a place to stay, they all head to Ebonfire Keep, smacking into the ground as gravity starts working again. The bodies of the servants are strewn about the castle. The party divide themselves up into rooms where they can rest. Sbeen takes a chain and an axe to create grappling hook. He throws the axe into Pendralar’s side and pulls him in.

Kass studies the world a bit and discerns that those who enter Infernus are able to leave, but Lucifer is trapped. Additionally, there’s no reason for the prison to be locked if Infernus is dead. Neebs says we should go after Lucifer, and Rhaegar says that as long as we make it impossible for the portal to be opened, there’s no need to kill Lucifer. Basile says that Rhaegar should live in a box for the rest of his life since he has the key, and Rhaegar says that suffering of one can protect the planes of existence. Pythos also adds that he isn’t sure how long he can keep their shield on them.

Neebs suggests having the keep fortified so they can have a base while they’re in Infernus. The NPCs help with the fortification.

  • Alkaid starts making arrows. After many failed attempts, she finally makes a perfect set of dragon bone arrows. She also summons sheep, ducks, cows, etc. to shear their wool, harvest down feathers, collect milk, etc. She also finds a room full of cattails to cook.
  • Kass starts weaving clothes and linens for the group with the materials Alkaid collects.
  • Dwayne cooks up Pendralar’s remains and preserves them for several months storage.
  • H’rathen sets up a ward to bring people back to life should they die.
  • Neebs surveys the land from the tallest peak of Ebonfire Keep. He develops 15 secret passages for easy navigation and escape. He also decorates a meeting room with they can all meet and determine their plans of attack.
  • Lorn focuses on magical calculations to try and determine a way out of Infernus. He also helps expand the castle.
  • Rheagar sets up traps and barricades inside the keep in case someone tries to break in.
  • Ciaran and Basile strengthen the supports of the building by casting Mending, Stoneshape, etc.

The group decides they can gate in allies to join them. Basile suggests the Valkeriyes which everyone declines, but they make up a list of people to ask for assistance.

  • The first person Basile messages is Skor, who declines joining them as he is done adventuring. After messaging Torque, Neebs convinces him to expand his hoard and he’s happy to join.
  • Rhaegar uses Basile to speak with Jubair to request her assistance gathering an army. She agrees to find 57 of the City of Brass’ finest warriors to join them.
  • After speaking with Duarph, he states that he’s kind of stuck somewhere but he’d be happy to go through the gate to join them.
  • Basile tells Adajah that they need assistance from the strongest warriors and that they’ve killed Pendralar. Adajah agrees to bring his ten strongest planetars – all hail Bahamut.
  • Even one of the three wizards comes, bringing a decanter of endless water and a dozen mages.
  • After failing to tell a joke, Basile is able to touch Fahrenheit’s heart by explaining their plight and mentions Adajah is helping. Fahrenheit says he hasn’t seen Adajah in millenia and says he’d like to catch up. Basile quickly sends, “and mustard,” which makes him laugh.
  • Alkaid asks the time dragon who helped her return home to join them, and she agreed.
  • Kass asks that Maz and Korpi join, as he hasn’t seen his friends in years. They agree to come and assist.
  • Lastly, Neebs frees Connor McGregor and friends from Dispater to bring them.

Over several days, they continue to send messages and gate their allies in for an army of 111. One of them being Duarph, and he walks in dragging a dead devil. He rips the devil apart, looks around, and states he’s been stuck in Infernus. He says that Shale was killed by Agent of Lucifer, so he clawed his way into Infernus to beat the shit out of the devil who did it, and has been trapped. He also mentions that any souls that die here go to the furnace to power the prison, and he can provide them with schematics on how to escape if they die.

They tell Duarph that they can’t make it into the castle, and the only way in is to have Lucifer’s blessing. Basile shows himself and asks if his marks of being a Scion is enough. Duarph says they might need more. He warns them that there are ten Generals of Lucifer, including a man named Dalamar Argent.

After preparing, the party goes after Dalamar Argent, who is guarding the furnace in the belly of the god. Neebs leads the troops to his fortress. As they drew out Dalamar and his legion, the associates manage to slip through into the fortress. Neebs stands on the balcony and calls out, “Dalamar!” The drow who had flown out a window and summoned three beholders turns around. Neebs then says, “Today is the first day of the last of your life.”

  • Neebs dimension hops behind the beholders and Dalamar, firing an arrow with Polar Ray into the center beholder.
  • Rhaegar lightning throws his epic great sword into the beholder to the left. He then calls upon a new earth elemental, named Cannon Fodder, to join the fight.
  • Dalamar calls back out to Neebs and vows to end him. He snaps his fingers and the furnace starts to crackle as a ball of fire spits out and grow into a massive beholder. The three smaller beholders begin to attack Neebs and Rhaegar with their eye rays. Rhaegar is able to withstand most of its charms, but is slowed. Neebs is able to withstand the magical effects, but takes a ton of damage. The massive beholder in the furnace sends a widened ray of disintegration at Kass and Ciaran, a widened finger of death that hits Alkaid and Rhaegar, and then a twin flesh to stone at Rhaegar. Although they take damage, they are able to stay standing. It then fires off seven more eye rays at Neebs, Ciaran, Kass, Rhaegar, and Cannon Fodder. Kass flees in fear, and Neebs is hit with a Polar Ray.
  • Alkaid fires off five arrows at the beholder Neebs attacked, which split apart and stab in all of its eyes. It dies as its blinded.
  • Basile activates his bond between Ciaran, as he runs over to him. They both then fire off eldritch blasts at the massive beholder, doing 300+ damage.
  • Kass flees from the scene, flying as fast as he can.
  • Neebs casts dimension door and appears 600 feet away from the battle. He fires six arrows at each of the small beholders, but Dalamar casts Solarity to create a Wall of Force to block the arrows. As Dalamar taunts him, Neebs uses his Belt of Battle to shoot six arrows imbued with disintegrate. One of the arrows destroys the wall, and the rest slam into the beholders. They both turn into dust, and one blows in Dalamar’s face.
  • Rhaegar shakes off being slowed, runs up to the final massive beholder, and strikes with his perfect clarity. Cannon Fodder then runs up and misses.
  • The beholder flies out toward Dalamar, sweeps past with its maw wide open, and bites its head off. The tendrils snap into his neck and connect, replacing Dalamar’s head on his body. As one of it’s eye stalks opens, Dalamar’s face replaces the eye. The arms of Dalamar’s body grabs the eye stalks to point them all at Neebs. He’s able to avoid most of the hits, only taking some residual damage from each spell. He then moves back into the furnace to attack everyone else except Kass. He smacks his hands together, unleashing a massive croaking sound. Everyone except Rhaegar turns into a frog.
  • Alkaid studies the beholder with her big, bulbous eyes. She then smacks her tiny green hand against your belt of battle, leaps into the air gracefully, and flicks her tongue at its eye. As the beholder fails his save, it vanishes along with the army. In its place, a black frog with the mark of Lucifer on its back is left.

Neebs vanishes, who is standing inside a small shack on a beautiful beach. On the bar, there’s a picture of his wife and children, and everything has been perfect. He realizes nothing has ever gone wrong in his life. There’s a frog sipping on a pina colada. Every single thing that Neebs ever did has now been Sbeen (who no longer looks like Neebs, but now looks like Doraleous) and we’ve all been Sbeen and Associates.

Alkaid, who is still a frog, turns herself into a bird. She then remembers everything despite the origin strike, and starts freaking out. Basile, who reads her mind, also starts freaking out. Ciaran looks at his little frog hands confused. Sbeen takes his mortal enemy, the frog demon, and eats it. His forehead stars bleeding as the mark is carved into his forehead and a halo of fire.

As Neebs is about to eat Basile, Kass sings “Hello my baby,” and kisses him. The Break Enchantment spells turns him back to normal. He does the same for Ciaran and Alkaid. Basile turns invisible after being naked, and Sbeen says, “oh my god Basile – you have a high charisma.”

They all return to Ebonfire keep. Sbeen opens up his pack and Grunk climbs out, as he is Sbeen’s advisor to guide him. Basile examines the mark of Lucifer on Sbeen’s head and discerns that it’s a curse that is bestowed on the most loyal servants to Lucifer and grants them the ability to see Lucifer. It can be removed, but can’t be returned. Grunk advises that we continue to the Emperor of Pain, located in the heart of the god.

To save on time, we RP the rest of the nine battles against the generals over the course of a year, and see how many times the party dies.

The Emperor of Pain is a massive spider-like creature who utters a death curse upon their arrival. Only Sbeen is affected and instantly dies. Rhaegar throws his sword into the Emperor and pierces him through the chest. As everyone battles, Alkaid turns into a bird and harasses him. Ciaran greases the webbing as Rhaegar slides off his legs. Rhaegar slices off the Emperor’s head with a clean blow and becomes marked. As he denies Lucifer for the third time, Durendal begins to glow with the ability to cast miracle three times a year. He then takes out a jug of ale and slams it back.

There’s then a beautiful jumpcut as Rhaegar falls back drunkenly, then is at the next battle with a sword in his chest as he dies. They face Viscount of Agony, a slender blue humanoid figure with horns and bat wings. The creatures have lacquered hands covered in blood, as they fight upon the hand of the dead god. Sbeen is stepping on bodies before tossing them over the side. He uses Rhaegar’s body as a weapon to smash into people. Kass pulls out his dervish blades and runs into the crowd. As he kills one enemy, a huge spear is impaled right through him. Alkaid dashes over, then separates into four, and gives the deadliest pearl necklace of all time (and the DM didn’t realize it had a gross connotation which traumatized the players). Basile takes it head on, using his own Eldritch Claws to face it. He traps the Viscount’s claws within his own, then rips his arms down and blasts him in the face.

The battle transitions to Basile diving in front of Ciaran to take a dissintegrate spell, and he dissolves into dust. In front of Ciaran are emaciated children wearing bishop hats, holding scepters and rods. Alkaid draws back her bow, accidentally knocks Rhaegar off the edge of the cracked skull of the god, before fighting off shadow creatures. Sbeen jumps off the edge to try and help Rhaegar and dies as well. He falls to his death. Ciaran falls into a rage and grabs Basile’s glaive to cast Smite upon the Page of Bones. Kass starts playing his panflute, the sound much like a tornado siren. Alkaid uses the sound of Kass’s flute to empower her sonic bow.

As she which transitions to slam into a massive ooze, the Matron of Souls, which has rolled over Ciaran. As the child starts drowning, Basile collapses and convulses as he drowns to death. Sbeen and Marven start having a ooze eating contest. Rhaegar accidentally shoots himself in the head with his own crossbow. Alkaid takes out her sunblade and stabs it into the ooze, boiling it alive as Kass sings “Ooze, I didn’t again” by Britney Swords.

The cinematic camera pans down to show the floor is now a massive eyeball. The Seer of Anguish commands erenyes’ to throw spears into Alkaid, piercing her into the pupil. at the Seer, Rhaegar’s mask of trueseeing gets knocked off and he stumbles into Basile’s way and dies. Grunk gives Sbeen a rock that says “Polar Ray” to throw at a beholder. Kass, who has now mastered his dervish blades, dashes forward to duel. He gets close, boops the Seer, and casts Otto’s Irresistible Dance. He starts dancing sad contemporary choreography. They dance a few steps together and then slices two scimitars across the chop off the Seer’s head.

Over the course of the year, more shenanigans happen:

  • Sbeen decides the castle needs to be closer to Infernus, so he throws it until it lodges into the ribs, and he’s left in the void where he eventually starve to death. He eventually dies three more times throughout the year.
  • Rhaegar dies four more times over the year.
  • Basile dies three more times through the year.
    • He’s gored in the stomach during a battle.
    • Bludgeoned to death during a battle.
    • He’s captured by the army of the Princess of Domination, and he kills himself so they can’t keep him prisoner as the scion.
  • Kass dies five more times during the year.
    • He pushed Basile out of the way of danger and takes the hit for him.
    • His wings are ripped off by enemies and he bleeds out.
    • Gets strangled by an enemy
    • “Shot through the heart, and you’re too blame.”
    • Trips and fall into lava (the ground is lava and Kass lost)
  • Marven dies twice and defeats the Satrap of Famine.
  • Lorn dies three times but is able to defeat the Knight of Refuse (The Knight of Shit).
  • Rocky dies six times, and defeats the Baroness of Slaughter.
  • Biff dies six times and defeats the Princess of Domination.

After several months, they find themselves with a day of rest, and they discuss what they plan on doing once they defeat Lucifer. Sbeen states he will have children with Jennifer, and Rhaegar states he would return to the City of Brass. Kass talks with Maz and Korpi to reunite, and the two half-dragons explain that their family had always been subservient to the Ebonfire due to their father’s wishes. Once the Ebonfire were defeated, they were able to escape and travel to discover themselves. Basile has been sending messages to his loved ones back home to stay sane.





D&D: Session 35

The story of Neebs and Associates is coming to a close. Let’s see what terrors they are currently facing.



  • Ciaran (LVL24) and Basile (LVL26)
  • Marven (LVL 25)
  • Alkaid (LVL 25)
  • Biff (LVL 25)
  • Lorn (LVL 25)
  • Lass (LVL 23)
  • Rhaegar (LVL 25)

As the bog rolled into town, Rhaegar returned after visiting Jubair and retrieving the ancient sword. He joined the group in the Lair and started asking what the hell happened. They fill him in, and Marven tells Lorn to locate Pendralar. Lorn casts Locate Creature, but he’s unable to find him.

Marven heads into his true lair and passes through the tunnels that lead out of the town. As he exits, he sees that the swamp stretches out for miles and attempts to suck him down. While he is unable to feel anything, his body is slowly rotting away from the black miasma in the air. Rhaegar warns Marven, who shouts for Lorn to give him oatmeal. Lorn discerns that Marven has a soul curse that can only be removed with a wish or miracle. He goes to H’rathen and asks him to cast miracle on Marven. H’rathen agrees, as it “pains” Lorn to ask him, and by the power of Kord Marven is healed. Lorn asks H’rathen if he can talk to Kord to find Pendralar, and gets frustrated with H’rathen poking fun so he decides to just cast Commune to speak with Ioun himself.

Ioun tells Lorn the general direction of where Pendralar went, and told him to say hi to Ciaran, who was excitedly waving from across the room. They then start to say goodbye to their loved ones before heading out.

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WRITING: The Battle Against Mara and Ember

Did you honestly expect me not to write a short story about the events that happened in the last two sessions of Neebs and Associates? Writing moments from Basile’s perspective helps me survive the long droughts of playing. Please enjoy the angst, the fluff, and adventure that has become Basile’s life.


The Associates arrived in the Abyss through a mist of shadows, passing through the Mortal Plane into the Realm of the Dead. A wasteland of dried earth greeted them. The sky was rusty orange, and rolls of thunder echoed through black clouds. Steam erupted with a loud hiss through cracks and geysers, filling the air with unbearable humidity and heat. Before them stood the Demon Lord Fraz-urr’blu and Mara, Leader of the Unholy Crusade.

A split second of recognition was all it took for Basile to fill with rage. At the sight of his mentor’s murderer, his hands burned as hellfire brewed in his palms. He watched as Alkaid summoned three more copies of herself across the field, the four of them separating to surround their enemies. Not too far away from her, Lorn touched Ragnarok’s side and enchanted him with Rhino’s Rush. The Rhino charged forward without hesitation, his sights set on the Prince of Deception.

As Ragnarok’s feet pounded into the ground, Mara grinned and thrust out his hand, sparks of magic flying from his fingertips. A wall of Force appeared in front of Fraz-urb’luu, but Ragnarok never broke stride. Lorn was quick to respond, countering Mara’s spell with his own Wall of Force. The two spells collided and cracked, shattering as Ragnarok plowed through and drove his horn into the Demon Prince.

With a shout that rivaled the thunder above, Fraz-urb’luu whipped his spiked tail around Ragnarok and held him down, trying to penetrate his armor and hide. Meanwhile, Mara’s eyes glowed white as he studied Ragnarok. Lorn telekentically flung dozens of arrows into the Demon Prince and Mara to distract them.

A crack of black lightning struck down from the sky into the earth. Ciaran held back a startled scream and grabbed Basile’s cloak for support as another Demon Prince was summoned onto the field near Lorn.

“No need to be scared, Ciaran,” Rhaegar said with a grin, Torch lighting ablaze in his hands. He looked over at Bubbles, who moved to shield their new comrade, Biff. “We’ve battled worse.”

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D&D Session 34

After saving the world from imminent destruction, Neebs and Associates deserve some time to relax! But will their moment of peace last?



  • Ciaran (LVL22) and Basile (LVL24)
  • Marven (LVL 24)
  • Alkaid (LVL 24)
  • Biff (LVL 24)
  • Neebs (LVL 24)

The group returns back to Neebsenshire and head to the Lair to drink and celebrate. Neebs and Marven play chess in the corner. When Neebs loses, they use the chess pieces to  use their actual magical abilities to manipulate. Regis asks Marven if he should collect people from the Bard College to play. Marven doesn’t care but says sure, why not. Basile collects his family and friends to join them at the Lair, and he and Alkaid get shit faced. Biff performs the most legendary triangle ever. Regis returns and brings in a group of Ioun followers to perform Christian Rock music.

H’rathen then walks into the bar with a group of Valkyrie women to beat the shit out of the college musicians. They then demands to drink everything Marven has, and Marven charges them double the price. As Biff’s triangle becomes more annoying, Marven puts on house music. Since all the alcohol is given to the Valkyries, Alkaid summons a copy of herself to go fetch more from Modelheim – ModelHeinekens. Alkaid and her copies drink and get wasted 4x quicker.

H’rathen and his “girlfriends” sit at the bar and start asking Basile if he has any existential crises that he needed to talk about. H’rathen starts asking Basile if he needs help picking up women, despite him sitting right next to Eyrene, and Basile has to awkwardly explain that he doesn’t need any help. H’rathen continues to press if he’s ever been with anyone intimately or if he wants children. Basile continues to drink away his embarrassment as his brothers tease him for being a virgin and for not wanting children.

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No need for fancy intro, it’s D&D time:



  • Ciaran (LVL21) and Basile (LVL23)
  • Kass (LVL22)
  • Rhaegar (LVL 22)
  • Alkaid (LVL 23)
  • Dwayne (LVL 23)
  • Lorn (LVL 23)

Back in Neebsenshire, Dwayne says the hook’s command word on accident while practicing and casts Gate. He goes through the portal and ends up in Mt. Celestia to meet with the rest of the group. After the group catches him up on everything, Dwayne pulls out a bottle and releases the crippled children souls into the air. He then gives everyone gifts since he’s been away so long:

  • Alkaid is given razorwing feathers for her to fletch into arrows.
  • Xylander is given a bundle of fish.
  • Ciaran is given a book of recipes, with the first entry for Baklava.
  • Marven is given a “One hour all you can eat buffet” coupon to Dwayne’s homeland.
  • Rhaegar is given a pass into Dwayne’s family armory.
  • Kass is given 20,000 gold because he’s a starving artist.
  • Neebs is given a token for all you can drink at any bar in Dwayne’s homeland.
  • Lorn is given a nice looking stick called the Wand of Smiles, but first Dwayne uses it on Rhaegar – who starts smiling uncontrollably.
  • Basile is given a box and is told not to open it until they return to Neebsenshire.

Adajah returns after the battle and thanks them for their assistance. He warns them that the Unholy Crusade is continuing to destroy planes. He says they need to hunt down Mara and his crusade quickly.

Ciaran asks if they can speak with Bahamut to learn where the crusade is going, and offers to cook his favorite food. He learns from his new cookbook that Bahamut’s favorite food is starlight. Ciaran makes starshaped cookies in a pinch, and with a nat 20 Dwayne collects starlight for the dough.

The group meets with Bahamut and he thanks them for their assistance. He is amazed by the cookies and asks Dwayne to become his personal chef. Dwayne thinks about it and says he has more to do on the mortal plane before becoming his chef. Rhaegar asks if Bahaumt has a clue for where the Crusade is going, but they are outside of Bahamut’s sight. However, he says that they may be going to Carcery to gather more recruits for their army.  Ciaran asks if he can talk to the god of Carcery, and Bahamut warns him that it’s an evil god not worth talking to. He also says that those who have lived criminal lives often end up in Carcery after death.

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It’s time for session 32, my dudes. What will the party do now that the Unholy Crusade is destroying the planes?



  • Ciaran (LVL20) and Basile (LVL22)
  • Kass (LVL21)
  • Rhaegar (LVL 21)
  • Alkaid (LVL 22)

With the group separated:

Basile and Ciaran, who had run off during the battle, found themselves lost in the expanse of Mechanus. Once Basile stopped Ciaran from running, Basile sits down in a state of shell shock, and Ciaran casts Leomund’s Tiny Hut around them to keep them protected. They decide to wait for the others to find them.

Rhaegar and Lorn head further into the city to try and find Law and Order, as well as any possible survivors. As they approach closer, they find a black pike in the center of town with the head of the dragon. Around it are body parts, including those of Arch Bishop Zett. Rhaegar collects claw of the dragon and Law and Order.

Alkaid and Kass remain at the scene of the battle. Alkaid lied on the ground and took in everything that happened while healing herself, and Kass just stood there in shock. They decide to look for the rest of the party. They head into the city to try and find the others. They meet up with Rhaegar and Lorn, then decide to try and find Basile and Ciaran. Alkaid uses Swift Tracker to find where Ciaran ran off. They carefully make their way to where Ciaran’s hut is constructed. It looks like a gingerbread house.

Rhaegar knocks on the door and Ciaran lets them in, saying, “yay, they found us!” Basile doesn’t reply. After ensuring everyone is relatively okay, they plane shift back to Neebsenshire to rest and prepare for their next moves.

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WRITING: Basile and Eyrene

It’s not surprise that I’m a sucker for romance. Hell, my debut novel is a romance. So going into D&D expecting to not have my character have a love interest was a valiant effort but a failure waiting to happen. After Basile met his childhood friend Eyrene, I had to flesh out the conversations they had in a “short” story.


The people of Modelheim were starting to calm down after the devil attack, and the Associates were inspecting the bodies of the slain and caring for the wounded. Ciaran kept a brave face to distract the people as Basile walked around and healed them with his wand. Most people weren’t hurt too bad, and there was only one casualty. It could have been a lot worse if they hadn’t have arrived when they did.

“I can’t believe Ivuram didn’t come save us,” someone in the crowd grumbled. Basile didn’t recognize them. “We’ve been giving sacrifices and gifts all year and when we needed him most, he didn’t help.”

“I know we can’t trust dragons, but he had always protected us before. Why stop now?” another person added – Basile recognized him as Saul Larson. He used to be friends with his parents. He wondered briefly if they even realized the Addler’s had left.

“Hey, you guys are adventurers right?” A man around Basile’s age asked Ciaran. Basile couldn’t help but smile as his old friend, Raulin, stepped forward.

“Yep! The strongest and the best!” Ciaran stated proudly.

“You guys should go see why Ivuram didn’t help us,” Raulin said.

“Or just kill him! If he’s not going to do his part, he shouldn’t rule over us,” Saul added.

The commotion was cut off by a loud explosion behind them. Basile turned and saw as a plume of purple smoke billowed up from one of the devil carcasses, forming the symbol of Lucifer briefly before dissipating. Then, a second pop as the magic around them seemed to vanish for a moment.

Basile recognized that sensation. He had felt it when H’rathen had first revealed him to the others inside the library. He tried to turn invisible again, but his magic seemed to fail. Shit…

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