We were going to play D&D this weekend, but had to cancel when most people weren’t available. So, Eddie had some people over to play video games and board games. At the end of the night, me and the two other guests (who all play D&D) decided we wanted to “play D&D.” So here’s our filler “beach episode” session featuring Basile, Ciaran, Marven, and Dwaye the Rock Gnome Johnson – the People’s Gnome. (Thank you, Eddie, for humoring us.)
- Ciaran (LVL8) and Basile (LVL10)
- Marven (LVL9)
- Dwayne (LVL9)
- Theoretical Nick
It is a beautiful and sunny day in Dwarvenshire, and the Neebs and Associates are spending a day to relax and not deal with all of the typical bullshit. Dwayne, Marven, and Ciaran decide that they want to go to the beach to the south. Marven and Ciaran, with the help of Basile, can fly there. However, Dwayne is unable to.
Dwayne comes up with the idea to ask Lorn if they can borrow Rocky for the trip. But instead of just asking Lorn if they can borrow Rocky, they decide to perform Grand Theft Rhino. Basile uses one of Dwayne’s Alchemist Sleep bottles, but that doesn’t work. So Marven finds a tire iron and smacks Lorn over the head. With a hypothetical Nat 20 that doesn’t matter, he kills Lorn. Rocky is sad.
The quartet rides him to the Lady of the Lake to see if she wants to join them at the beach. On the way there, the DM asks to roll a D12. Theoretical Nick rolls a 12 and something awful appears to fight Neebs; Sadius is pleased.
When they arrive, Dwayne makes a fine caviar sandwich as an offering and calls for the lady. She appears in the lake holding the Zephyr Rabbit. Marven asks if he can have it, but she gives him a sword instead. It can make Dwayne fly.
The group flys to the beach, leaving Rocky behind? After another D12 roll by theoretical Nick, he rolls a 12 and Neebs is attacked by another crazy monster.
At the beach, Maven is letting his wings hang out, and Dwayne is wearing actual crocodiles for shoes instead of crocs. Basile still wears his cloak and Ciaran is wearing both eye patches.
Marven runs up to the local cabbage stand and kicks it over. Dwayne goes to the watermelon stand to buy a melon and a mallet. He gives the mallet to Ciaran and a third eye patch. He then spins him around and tells him to smash the watermelon with the mallet. However, Marven swoops down from the air like a bird of prey – a pelican of sorts – to eat the melon. Ciaran misses and hits Dwayne in the foot with the mallet. BUT Dwayne tumbles out of the way, then remembers that’s not how tumble works.
A volleyball then rolls over to them, and they see the most beautiful goblins they have ever seen asking them to bring the ball back. Dwayne wants sum fuk, but Basile is not in the mood and pops the volleyball. Another volleyball appears in its place. Dwayne takes the ball and runs over to the ladies while Ciaran goes into the ocean to swim around and look for the Lady of the Lake to see if she is there.
Marven dives head first into the sand like a sand shark and nyooms over to the cabbage stand. Down there, he meets a sand T-Rex, who says hey, and they race to the cabbages. Marven arrives and sees that there is one less cabbage. Enraged, he swears that the T-Rex is his nemesis and that he will retrieve his missing cabbage. He then eats all of the cabbages.
Dwayne plays volleyball with the goblins. But he’s just so athletic and strong for a 45 year old (!?!?!) he spikes the ball into one goblin’s face and knocks her unconscious. He drags her body away from her friends and dumps her behind a garbage can.
Meanwhile, Basile is sitting on the beach and watching Ciaran swim. A couple comes over to lay down their blanket and – not seeing the invisible man there – drape their blanket over him and sit down. Frustrated, he cuts a hole in the blanket and leaves to go to the shaved ice stand that reminds him of home. However, Marven swoops down like a different bird of prey and eats his ice cream.
Angered, Basile shoots an eldritch blast at Marven, just as Dwayne throws a cabbage at him. Marven dodges the blast, but the cabbage hits him, and erupts into eldritch fire. He eats the eldritch cabbage.
Ciaran swims out to the ocean and finds the Lady of the Lake, who begins to tell him things that a 10 year old shouldn’t know. What you may ask, why – the Zephyr Taint. Ciaran immediately becomes 18 years old.
Dwayne makes a sand castle. Seagulls try to attack his fortress, but Marven swoops down like a bird of prey and eats the seagull. DwaynetheRockGnomeJohnsonshire is safe.
To help Marven with his eating spree, he asks Basile to steal the bikini top of one of the goblins. Basile agrees to help because why the hell not and takes the top off the unconscious goblin. Ciaran and Basile hold the ends as Dwayne slingshots salted pork into the air for Marven to eat. It rains down around them, to which Marven exclaims, “This is like a dream!”
“It is,” says the Lady of the Lake as she sinks into the ocean with ice cream. They all wake up.