FINALLY. After a month of waiting, we were finally able to play D&D again! Here’s the summary of what happened during this wonky, RP-heavy and battle crazy session:
- Ciaran (LVL10) and Basile (LVL12)
- Lorn (LVL 12)
- Marven (LVL12)
- Neebs (LVL 12)
- Dwayne (LVL12)
- Rhaegar (LVL 12)
- Alkaid (LVL 12)
After all of the sudden visitors at his home, Rhaegar decides that he needs to put wards up to protect their base. Lorn says he can hallow the home, cast Discern Lies, and put up a Symbol of Persuasion. However, he can only do so for a small fee. Rhaegar trades the Horn of Gondor to Lorn, who then sells it to Marven for him to use at his new club.
Rocky then decides that he would like to visit his keep, and invites the others to join him. Sbeen runs out to find “Not Friend,” to bring him along. Sbeen asks people around town where “Not Friend” Marven is. They explain they heard his name being called out that night at Ashisa’s shop. Sbeen runs into the shop to find in Ashisa’s room. He picks up Marven under his arm to carry him out, but Marven kindly requests that he at least put on pants first. After finding them he allows Sbeen to carry him back to Rhaegar’s. Sbeen skips the entire way back singing. When they arrive, the party notices that Marven is covered in black scales and is “ripped like Jesus.” His wings and horns are also larger. No one seems concerned.
Basile allows Ciaran to go with them, but chooses to stay back to talk with Levi in private. As Lorn teleports everyone away, Basile confesses all of his sins (minus the devil stuff) to his Dad. Even though he knows that Levi already figured out his identity, he’s still too ashamed to tell the truth. To atone for his sins, Basile has to find a Tomb of Clear Thoughts and donate it to a Temple of Ioun. Basile says the only one he knows of it back in Modelheim, to which Levi replies he’ll have to find a different one.
He then visits Pythos to talk to him about immortality. Pythos explains that he found a way to safely break the bond between Basile and Ciaran, but that he should be immortal first to ensure that it works properly. Basile asks him for advice on how to kill devils and demons, to which Pythos explains certain weapons will do the job easily. He doesn’t question why Basile is asking.
The rest of the group travels to Keep Ivoryhorn, a medium sized castle near the Lady of the Lake. Rocky, who is in his fae-form, is greeted by two guards with rhino helmets. They greet him as Ragnarok, Lord of Lakeland.
- Sbeen decides he would like to try and grapple one of the guards, and tip-toes his way up to him in plain sight. When the guard easily stops his attempt, Rocky scolds him for “moving for a man, for a rhino moves for no-one.” The guard is really confused and conflicted.
- As they enter the keep, elven butler greets them with a deep bow. He introduces himself as Galenhorn. As he is showing off the courtyard, Sbeen finds his way to the balcony and jumps off yelling “SURPRISE ATTACK” and slams into the guard. Rocky praises the guard for not moving.
- They continue through to the atrium, which is guarded by two dwarves. Rocky asks where there horns are, to which Galenhorn says “they are below horns.” The dwarves open the door and Galenhorn offers to show them the bedchambers, kitchen, and library. Marven asks if they can have breakfast, saying he hasn’t eaten yet (meanwhile, he is eating snacks.) Galenhorn orders 32 servings of food.
- As breakfast is being served, the group first goes to the bedchambers. There, they find an oversize poster-bed and a very fancy stable. It’s clear one is for Rocky’s fae-form and the other for his natural form. Rocky tells Galenhorn to send a messenger to the Lady of the Lake telling her that she is welcome to visit her bedchambers.
- In the kitchen, the group finds two large tables: one is set for the majority of the group, while the second is solely for Marven. Sbeen gets jealous and requests for a table setting that matches Marven. This eventually leads to Sbeen rage eating to keep up with Marven in a weird competition. Lorn starts collecting all of the bones to fashion as weapons against undead.
- The dwarven chef, Astrin, is concerned about the stores of food left but makes more. Rocky then says that a rhino wouldn’t do more than what he felt like doing, and asks Astrin why he would make more food. Astrin explains it’s because he’s a dwarf, so Rocky tells him to keep making food.
- During the meal, a turtle comes to the castle and is looking for E. Ciaran takes the letter for him, saying, “Basile isn’t here right now, but I can take a message for him! Beep!” The turtle doesn’t poof, because it’s a normal turtle, and Dwayne feeds him a delicious salad.
- MARVEN WANTS TO EAT THE TURTLE. Ciaran grabs him and runs, not wanting him to get hurt. Dwayne turns the turtle invisible, Lorn feeds Marven 100+ good berries, and Sbeen crashes into Marven as he tried to eat the turtle for himself. Ciaran manages to slip away and flees into the castle.
- As Marven is fed more food by hand, too tired to feed himself, Sbeen smashes his face against him to try and eat the food instead. Marven climbs on him – like a spider monkey – and starts to gnaw on his head. Sbeen chews on his arm in return. It’s a strange mating ritual I believe.
- Dwayne and Astrin argue about who is a better chef, and Astrin whips up the most delicious pair of Dire Sloth arms the group had ever seen. Rocky is concerned if it’s the sloth that they had let free so many months prior. As Sbeen goes to eat it, Dwayne casts Prestidigitation to make it taste rotten. Sbeen is disgusted, but Marven loves it. Rocky declares Marven the champion.
- Meanwhile, Ciaran and the turtle go up to the second floor and find the library. Lorn eventually catches up with him, and teleports the turtle into the forest to keep him safe. This is upsetting to Ciaran, who wanted the turtle as a friend. Lorn says sometimes to keep friends safe they have to let them go. Ciaran agrees.
- As the rest of the party makes their way to the library, Lorn takes a large Book of Knowledge and a small reference book from the shelf, and Ciaran asks Rocky if he can borrow books about devils or demons so he can “learn” Abyssal and Infernal.
Content with his keep, Rocky asks Lorn to take them back home. Lorn teleports them, and there they see Neebs riding a velociraptor he named “Toran.” Sbeen tells Neebs that he spent the money he earned, and Neebs explains that Sbeen needs to repay Neebs the 30,000 gold he earned. Neebs would then split it in half as they promised.
Skor then meets up with Marven and tells him that his night club is complete. He shows off his handiwork, explaining that there is “nothing underneath the building” *wink wink* and Marven pays him a generous tip as thanks. Rhaegar makes a comment about Skor being a golem, which offends Skor. He asks Rhaegar to show him his sword. After he looks at it, Rhaegar nervously asks Lorn to check and see what happened. Lorn says nothing.
Chip Whitley informs Dwayne that he found a new alchemist apprentice named Qyburn. Dwayne interviews him and believe that he may be a good fit and hires him.
In the middle of town, an old blind man finds Neebs (somehow) and tells him that all non-humans need to be kicked out of town, starting with the snake woman.
- Neebs is caught off guard, but agrees and tells him to find the others who want non-humans to be kicked out. He tells the group to go to Rhaegar’s house to discuss their plan.
- When they get there, the group is shocked to hear Neebs “defending” the racists. Then, Dwayne starts casting spells to make them look like dwarves and faeries. In the end, everyone gets confused about what they truly are, “as their outsides changes to match their insides” and that “their hate for others has brought them all together in love” or something like that. The blind man still wants Ashisa to leave, so Neebs convinces Marven to “agree” and Ashisa puts on her cloak of disguise to look human. Her name is now A-Shisa.
- With the crowd somewhat appeased, Neebs apologizes to Ashisa, and explains that for now letting them think the situation is resolved will be better than kicking them out of town.
- Marven is still upset with how the situation was handled (including Basile and Rhaegar, who were appalled.) He follows the blind man home and gives him a quest in the form of a Geas, saying he must learn to correct his ways and appreciate non-humans. The man is stubborn and won’t do such a thing, and starts to practically crumple to the ground as the spell saps away his strength.
- Neebs intervenes and tells Marven to release the Geas, threatening that he will kill Marven if he doesn’t. The two start to argue about who is “more evil” after Neebs accuses Marven for “taking the wrong path.”
- Meanwhile, the old man is begging for someone to help him, and Lorn tells Basile to tell Neebs to make him his Court Wizard so he can heal the man. Neebs is stubborn and keeps saying that Jennifer isn’t available, but eventually agrees to make Lorn his Court Wizard. Lorn heals him, and Rhaegar carries the old man home. Marven eventually storms off, holding back the urge to kill Neebs.
As Marven goes to Regis to ask him to get bouncers, bartenders, and a DJ for the club. He eventually convinces Caelim to sell the Three Shepherds to eliminate the competition.
Meanwhile, Xi-Long finds the others and asks if they have seen an item of his that was missing. He explained that he had waited 20 years to catch lightning in a bottle. the group looks for it, and eventually find Xylander chewing on the bottle. Alkaid and Lorn are unable to stop him for eating the lightning and merging with the element to become a Lightning Elemental Dire Cougar. Xi-Long is amazed and not too upset by the turn of events.
While they are looking for the bottle, Basile takes Ciaran aside and tells him the truth about their bond. Ciaran is distraught and storms off, yelling at Basile to leave him alone. He goes to Levi and Pythos, asking them both to watch over Ciaran for the next few days.
Basile gathers everyone together to start their journey to Dis. However, before they leave, he suggests that they go after the hook Dwayne has been searching for, explaining that it might be smart to have an ancient relic with them when trying to kill the devil. Lorn does some research on the hook and learns that it is able to transform the user into animals, cast random spells with the command word, and be used to save someone who is about to die. Upon hearing this, the party agrees, but want to double check to make sure they know where to travel to retrieve the hook.
Basile reaches out to Pythos and asks him to help them locate the hook. Pythos agrees to help them find the location of the hook for some information, as usual. Rhaegar says that he knows of the location of Durandel, an ancient sword. He explains that is in the hands of Sandor Clegane, which surprises Pythos. With that information, Pythos is able to discern that the hook is with Tamatoa the Crab Demon and provides them with an exact location after scrying on a map.
Before they leave, Dwayne asks Pythos if he knows who he is. Pythos sarcastically starts listing off random aliases, saying it’s easy to make new names for yourself (which makes Basile laugh.) Dwayne asks him to keep his identity secret, explaining that he had to fake his death. For payment, he explains that the hook is capable of bringing someone back to life if they sacrifice themselves for another dying person. This is enough for Pythos to keep Dwayne’s identity a secret.
With the group ready to leave, the group asks H’rathen to meet them to send them to the Elemental Plane of Water. Before he arrives, the group notice that Ciaran isn’t with them. Basile explains that Ciaran isn’t coming because he’s mad. Lorn immediately understands, but the rest of the party is shocked when Basile explains that he tried to sacrifice Ciaran to become immortal. Before he’s able to explain himself further, the group gets sidetracked by H’rathen’s arrival. Basile’s wrists start bleeding, a sign that Ciaran is hurting himself to get back at Basile, and H’rathen heals him. They are all sent to the Elemental Plane of Water.
- They land in the expanse of ocean, several hundreds of miles away from the island they were aiming for.
- Lorn enlarges the warship and everyone climbs on board. They travel easily to the island. Lorn casts Waterbreathing on everyone, and they start to dive down to the ocean floor where Tamatoa lives.
- As they descend, they are engulfed in darkness. Neebs lights the way with his Lens of Bright Light,and Dwayne casts Daylight around them. Basile’s foot suddenly breaks and makes it harder for him to swim. Lorn heals him, and Basile says that he can just stay injured if it’s going to waste spells. Lorn assures him that it’s fine.
- They reach the bottom and notice chunks of flesh floating up to the surface, along with strange metallic pieces. Lorn and Rhaegar find what looks to be like a mechanical arms, while Neebs finds a leg, Alkaid finds a torso, and Dwayne finds a head. Marven starts eating the crab meat as they realize that something killed Tamatoa. They are able to discern that the metallic pieces form an Inevitable, a planar creature from Mechanus that is an avatar of law.
- Lorn casts Contact Other Plane to speak with Mechanus. He asks if the hook is in that plane of existence, and if it’s currently being hidden or protected. Upon learning that it is being protect on Mechanus, he asks if it’s against the law to travel there and remove it. When they are told it’s not illegal, Lorn reads a scroll of Plane Shift to send them there.
They arrive near the edges of Mechanus, a world of floating gears. In the distance, they see the Great Gear Wall where Primus lives. Tiny disc-like creatures are watching them bashfully. Lorn uses a Scry spell to check and see if what they are looking for is at the Great Gear Wall. The group is caught off guard when several colyruts arrive and surround them, placing them under arrest. The group questions why they’re under arrest, and are told they are being arrested for unlawful scrying and planar travel without proper documentation.
While the others comply and allow themselves to be arrested, Marven and Neebs decide that they are plan B and flee:
- They are quickly chased down by colyruts that shoot them with Innervation Rays to weaken them and lower their levels. They struggle to defeat the colyruts as their friends are taken away.
- Neebs eventually falls unconscious and starts to fall to the ground. Marven dives after him and is just able to save him before hitting the ground. Neebs eventually awakens and wills Sadius to attack, forcing the bow to release a shout that makes the Inevitables explode.
- The two lay down, exhausted and barely alive. They consider killing each other, but decide against it and let their past grievances vanish. Sadius is pissed off, but Neebs doesn’t care and tosses Sadius over the edge to fall forever.
Meanwhile, the other are separated into spellcasters and non-spellcasters. Alkaid and Rhaegar are forced into one holding cell, while Basile, Lorn, Xylander, and Dwayne are put in another.
- The Inevitables tell them that they will be held on trial to determine their punishment, and that the actions of their friends do not reflect on them. The group learns that all laws are valid here, but the laws of cities trump those of small towns, and those of nations trump cities. Lorn becomes super lawyer and speaks on behalf of everyone, and asks for their trials to be expedited.
- At their trial, Lorn states that they all plead Guilty with Explanation, stating that they didn’t realize that they were breaking any laws when they arrived. The judge determines that ignorance is not a valid reason to forgive without some form of punishment. They are sentenced to community service for their cooperation. They are to remove a hive of Formians encroaching on territory that doesn’t belong to them. They are also told that Marven and Neebs may have lighter sentences if they assist, but if the group helps them escape they will all be criminals.
Lorn sends a message to Marven telling him to meet them at the hive of Formians, but Marven is confused because he doesn’t even know where he is. Lorn tells him to stay put for now and that the group will come to them. Dwayne also sends a message to Neebs saying “hey, how ya doing?” Neebs replies, “I’m tired.”
The group is sent back to the place where they original entered Mechanus, and start to head in the direction Neebs and Marven flew away, with Basile reaching out to them with his mind. He eventually locates them and they regroup.
Lorn explains that they can’t take Neebs and Marven home with them, since they are criminals *wink* but that if someone happened to steal *wink* the Scroll of Plane Shift off of his backpack *wink* they could escape.
Neebs gets the message and punches Lorn in the face, then takes the scroll. Basile tells him not to heal it, because the bruise is convincing. The group then heads to the hive to start clearing it out.
Two lines of Formian Warriors are guarding the hive. Dwayne gives a bottle of Curdled Death to Basile, telling him to put it on and walk through the hive to poison them all. Marven then puts up a wall of fire in front of the Warriors.
- Lorn casts Fireball into the center of the formians as Rocky charges up and smashes into one, exploding it into green goo.
- More warriors emerge from the tunnels, pressing up against the party.
- Rhaegar moves up with Torch as a Battle Axe, and uses Steel Wind to attack two of the formians at once. He slices one open, and badly wounds the second. He then cleaves to attack the second one another time, splitting it in half.
- Dwayne cast Mass Suggestion to have them take him to the queen, also planning to use the bottle of Curdled Death he has for himself. However, some of the formians are able to shake it off while others struggle to obey.
- Neebs shoots three arrows at a warrior, two of them making contact.
- Basile splashes himself with the contents in the bottle and walks up. However, it doesn’t seem to work as he approached the formians. He tried to reach for his glaive, but as he swings it around the aroma throws him off and he misses.
- Alkaid rapid shoots three arrows, and they all collide into one of the warriors. Xylander dashes up and bites it in half.
- Marven breathes a Lingering Sonic breath on the formians. Some of them explode, but the others resist it, their antennae vibrating.
- Rocky slams his head into two of the formians in front of him, while Lorn rides on his back and casts Splinter Bolt. Two of the targets collapse as they’re impaled with wooden splinters. He casts it again, killing off two more.
- More of the formians continue to pour out. Some attack Rocky and Xylander, but they are able to shake off the effects of the poison.
- Rhaegar moves up to Xylander and throws his axe over the cougar, slamming it into the formian. He then uses his Lions Roar to boost the party.
- Dwayne move up next to Alkaid and casts haste on everyone.
- Taskmasters, spellcasting formians, appear and cast Dominate Monster on Rocky, Marven, Dwayne, and Alkaid. Only Rocky is able to shake it off, while the others are compelled to kill “the intruders.”
- Neebs fires five arrows imbued with Scorching Ray. The first one completely overwhelms and melts on of the warriors, while the other four slam into another and pin it to the ground.
- Basile invokes his ring of Chilling Tentacles to grapple seven of the formian warriors, and Marven as well.
- Alkaid shoot at Rocky’s ass, but all of his arrows bounce off his hide. Xylander turns on Rhaegar and attacks. Rhaegar is able to block his bite, but he is pinned down after two swipes of his claws.
- Unable to escape the tentacles, Marven pulls off one of the beads on his Necklace of Fireballs and throws it in Rhaegar’s general direction. The blast wounds Basile, Rhaegar, Xylander, and Lorn.
- Lorn releases a shit load of swords from his pocket, using Telekinesis to enlarge them and skewer the Taskmasters that were dominating the team. They all die, releasing them from their commands. Meanwhile, Rocky charges to kill another formian with ease.
- The warriors start to back away into the cave system. Rhaegar holds his action.
- Dwayne casts Magic Missile and shoots five of the formians.
- Four large Myrmarches come out of the tunnels and rush up to attack. One strikes Lorn with his stinger, but he’s able to resist the poison.
- Neebs shoots five arrows with his Scorching Ray at a Myrmarch, then uses his Belt of Battle to attack again.
- Basile blasts the Myrmarch that ran past him with a Hellfire Eldritch Blast, and uses his Eldritch Chain to link it toward the Myrmarch Neebs attacked. A massive hole is ripped through its chest.
- Alkaid commands Xylander to get off Rhaegar and attack a Myrmarch, as he overkills a warrior with five arrows to its head. Xylander sprints and turns into a bolt of lightning before biting at the Myrmarch.
- Rhaegar chugs a healing potion and then attacks a Myrmarch with a bow and arrow.
- Marven devours a piece of Pendralar’s soul and breathes Lingering Acid on the Myrmarch near Basile, engulfing it with a stream of acid that takes the form of a dragon. It melts away into a puddle.
- Lorn casts Baleful Transposition on himself and Rocky to trade places with a formian near the entrance. It fails twice, but he manages to get it to work the third time. Rocky then charges forward to attack the Myrmarch, but a Prismatic Wall forms in front of him. Rocky smashes through, but starts to suffer from the multiple effects. Lorn manages to avoid dying with his Death Ward Armor, but Rocky is banished to the Heroic Domain of Ysgard.
- Dwayne uses his Amulet of Second Chances to reverse time long enough for Rocky to avoid running into the Prismatic Wall.
- Instead, Lorn jumps off Rocky and casts Bite of the Werebear. Rocky bites the Myrmarch as another Prismatic Wall forms behind Lorn, trapping him and Rocky on the side closest to the entrance.
- Dwayne casts Sphere of Greater Invisibility around himself, Alkaid, and Rhaegar.
- The remaining two Myrmarches attack Rocky and Xylander.
- Neebs fires off arrows into the Myrmarch attacking Xylander, while Basile uses his Eldritch Blast to destroy the Myrmarch on Rocky.
- Alkaid summons another version of himself from a separate timeline, and the two of them mirror one another as they fire off fire arrows into the final Myrmarch to kill it.
- As the Chilling Tentacles kill off the final few warriors, Basile drops it to release Marven.
The Queen emerges from the cave, asking them why they destroyed her children. Alkaid makes a comment about Basile being a child killer. Lorn explains that they were sent to clear the hive, and says that if she doesn’t leave they will have to kill her. Dwayne adds that it was “inevitable.” The Queen eventually leaves, and in a flash of white light the Arch Bishop Zett arrives on a silver dragon covered in sapphires.
He tells them to finish the job, and Lorn casts Flame Strike to destroy the hive. With their community service finished, Zett asks why they wanted to speak with him after their trial. Lorn says they are interested in the hook hanging around the dragon’s neck.
Zett wants to destroy it, as it is a weapon forged to sew chaos. Dwayne explains that he wants the hook back so he can restore balance and peace to his people. However, Zett doesn’t understand how chaos can stop chaos, and isn’t convinced that Dwayne can keep the hook safe from criminals, referring to Marven and Neebs.
Dwayne offers the negotiation to have the hook return back to Mechanus if he were to ever die and lose possession for the hook before he completes his task. Zett is willing to agree, on four terms:
- The party must swear an oath to not use the hook to sew chaos.
- They must bring it back after seven years to renegotiate the deal if the job hasn’t been completed.
- They must promise to not let it fall into chaotic hands.
- A Mark of Justice must be placed on Marven and Neebs for the rest of their lives. They will not be able to kill innocent people.
Marven is unable to uphold that promise. Lorn renegotiates, explaining that he can bring the two Inevitables who were killed by Marven and Neebs back to life. Dwayne also says that they can owe a favor to Primus, and that they can be called to assist at any time. All of this in exchange to not let the Mark of Justice be placed.
Zett agrees, changing the final requirement from the Mark of Justice to a heartfelt written apology to the families of the murdered. Marven has a hard time agreeing to it, but grins and bears it.
With that, the deal is made. Zett gives Dwayne the hook, Manaiakalani. The command word is Humuhumunukunukuapua’a. The group Plane Shift back home, but not before Marven eats some of the formian remains They’re crunchy, which Marven likes. They realize that they can’t use the hook in Dis, as it is a lawful plane of existence and using it to kill the devil will sew chaos.
Back in town, Basile’s jaw suddenly shatters as Ciaran is kicked in the face by one of Stormageddon’s horses. Lorn heals him before going off to find Ciaran. Rhaegar goes with him, and the two find the boy at the stables. They ask him if he’s okay, to which he replies that Basile is a jerk. Rhaegar explains how vehemently he no longer trusts Basile, which Lorn doesn’t understand – as he states that other than the ritual, Basile never once hurt Ciaran in any way. The two argue about who the real poor influence is on a child, to which Ciaran says he and Basile never hurt anyone until they joined the group.
Meanwhile, Dwayne goes to visit Chip Whitley about the alchemy shop and shows off the Inevitable remains to H’rathen, who is impressed. Marven visits Regis (and to be honest, I’m not sure what happened because I was too busy RPing as Ciaran so…Steve, fill me in on the details and I’ll update.) Alkaid just fucking disappears I guess.
Suddenly, there are dozens of turtles, a jack rabbit, and a falcon waiting for Basile. Basile recognizes the falcon as Pip, his brother’s pet. He reads all the letters, and finds a small paperback book attached to Pip. He reads the summary and learns that it’s a novel about his adventures titled “The Tales of Ash Crimson.” He shows everyone, both impressed and in dismay as his brother changes details in ridiculous ways:
- Basile is Ash Crimson, the invisible tiefling.
- Ciaran is Azul the Cerulean, the half-elf child.
- Lorn is Egret, one of the most powerful wizards known to man, and one of the biggest noses of all time.
- Dwayne is Jet Brody, the all-star brewer of beers and other foamy beverages.
- Marven is Duff McWhalen, the half-gnome half-whale who worships Pheebus (aka Pendralar.)
- Rhaegar is Gaydar, the bravest and most noble of warriors.
- Alkaid is Snoozenburg, the very sleepy guardian angel with a pet snow leopard.
- Neebs is Zigbar, the buff sword fighter who occasionally used a bow and is addicted to identity theft.
- Kass is Cyber Woo, the robotic bard and cheerleader.
- H’rathen is Dash Rendar, the dwarven Cleric of Ioun.
While Dwayne is thrilled, Rhaegar is offended that he is known as Gaydar and tries to burn the book. Basile rips it back out of his hands to protect it. Lorn is also upset, because he is not getting credit for his adventures.
They then notice that more people have the book in town. A random towns person (now named Rando) sees that they have the book and starts talking about how great it is. The group tries to explain that it’s about them, but Rando won’t believe them. To prove that it’s about them, Dwayne casts Glitter Dust on Basile, and while he resists being blinded he is now covered in glitter. Frustrated, Basile eventually becomes visible and scares the shit out of Rando because tieflings are scary as fuck to normal people.
They go to the general store to buy all of the copies left from Alsbeth, and Basile takes one to give to his father.
Note: Eric actually thought that Sam drew on a fake mustache to commit to the RP, but didn’t realize that Sam actually just has a mustache. He said, “Sorry, I don’t look at your face often.”