D&D SESSION 37

It’s the end of an era. After a very long wait, this is the final session of Neebs and Associates. Will we succeed in defeating Lucifer, or will we perish trying? Either way, it will be bittersweet to resolve this three-year long adventure.

SESSION 37

Players:

  • Ciaran (LVL28) and Basile (LVL30)
  • Alkaid (LVL 30)
  • Kass (LVL 30)
  • Rhaegar (LVL 30)
  • Sbeen (LVL30)
  • Lorn (LVL30)
  • Marven  (LVL30)
  • Biff/Dwayne (LVL30)

Before the team goes to the castle of Lucifer, an undead Lorn approaches Basile to tell him that the plans he and Lorn made to defeat Alexander Willard need to change. Basile, who is used to Lorn’s weird magic, is confused and doesn’t remember making a plan. Undead Lorn tells Basile that he has a scroll in a hidden shoulder pocket and to throw it away. He then makes a new Lorn holding an urn and tells him that this simulacrum will follow Basile’s commands. Basile is to make sure the simulacrum is delivered to Alexander Willard. Undead Lorn then turns the simulacrum invisible, and makes it so Basile can permanently see invisible creatures. When Basile asks if the true Lorn knows the plan, Undead Lorn winks and vanishes.

Biff has also prepared a heroes feast and gave everyone witches reservoir to use as during the fight.

Lorn regurgitates a purple boulder, and hands it to Marven. “I made you a gift. I hope it will power you through the castle.” Marven is confused, and Sbeen is jealous and tries to throw up a rock. Lorn explains that it’s 2 years worth of goodberries (438,000 berries.) Marven cries and smashes the goodberry boulder.

The party then ventures out to the castle. As they approach the gates, and the signs of Lucifer on them flash to open them. The castle is made of bone of the god Infernus is built upon. They enter the foyer and find an ostentatious and elaborate room. Standing in the center is a handsome human who the party recognizes as Alexander Willard. Next to him is Caasimolar: an old man with a flaming combover, red eyes and horns, and a forked tail. Around them are ten pitfiends waiting to attack.

“Have you come to offer yourselves to the Lord of Darkness?” Alexander Willard asks.

“You already know the answer,” Lorn replies.

“Then I’m going to have fun.”

  • Willard pulls out a pouch and throws out dice. The dice roll on snake eyes in front of Lorn, who now has -10 to the next save as his fate is sealed. He then starts casting an epic spell, which Lorn epic counter spells. Willard snaps his fingers and the dice flip again, casting “Fickle Finger of Fate,” forcing Lorn to cast it again. This time, he rolls a Nat 20 and successfully counters the spell. The invisible Lorn casts Empowered Reaving Dispel as Willard stabs himself in the hand and starts drawing a spell in the air with his blood (A Chain Disrupting Baleful Blink.) The spell is rebound again, but Willard spell turns it back. It’s like they’re playing pong until Lorn makes the spell fizzle. Willard triggers a contingency to force the spell to go off to hit the entire party. Ciaran and Kass begin blinking in and out of existence.
  • Lorn readies his action to counter spell. Rocky charges at a pit fiend and does over 500 damage, obliterating in. Rocky then flails with his spiked armor at another pit fiend and kills it. He roars with intimidation.
  • Caasimolar, the President of Hell (a Donald Trump, if you will) cackles and shouts, “You guys are so stupid. Going against Lucifer: he’s outrageous, the best.” He starts to casts a spell at Alkaid and three Lorns, but Lorn bitch-slaps it back at him. A bolt of lightning hits him and forks off his body. Caasimolar says, “You’re all cowards, weak.” As he attempts to scare us, the heroes feast emboldens them. Frustrated, he tries to cast another spell, but Basile’s Lorn counters it.
  • The pit fiends cast Mass Hold Monster on Ciaran, Kass, and Biff. They freeze in place and are unable to move. They then quicken fireball at the group, but everyone stands.
  • Ciaran is able to shake his paralysis and activates his twin soul. Basile commands Lorn 3 to fly at Willard, who zooms past and takes a hit from pit fiend. When he gets within 30 feet of Willard, a greater dispel magic spell goes off, but Lorn resists it. Lorn 3 drops his invisibility and pulls out an urn. He reaches in the urn, flips him off, and explores in blood of the descendant of the moon. Lorn casts Exalted Fury – by shouting “FUCK,” all evil creatures within 60 feet and take 251 damage. Willard casts Martyr’s Bargain to delay the damage, but he starts to sizzle and scream as the blood soaks into him. He transforms into a thing, gaunt, broken man. Basile then shoots off an Eldritch Chain into five pit fiends. His sixth chain missed Willard.
  • The pitfiends crowd around them all and shoot off more fireballs. Kass ragdolls out of the room and dies. Biff died for a moment, but his ring kept him alive. The pitfiends cast Mass Hold Monster and Ciaran becomes paralyzed again.
  • Lorn quicken cats Chained Freedom of Movement, freeing everyone from their paralysis.
  • Rhaegar uses Lions Roar and Ancient Mountain Hammer at two pitfiends in front of him.
  • The President of Hell steps forward and focuses on Lorn 2, Sbeen, and Marven and says, “Executive order: your fired.” Three columns of fire explode underneath them.
  • H’rathen pulls Kass’s body out of the well and tells him, “Get back in there, buddy.” Dwayne wins the bet on who would die first, then gates Kass back into the battle.
  • Sbeen starts to rage and shifts into a fire giant that vaguely resembles Skull King. He grabs a rock and rolls it in a line at the pitfiends, tripping and killing them all. As it rolls at Willard, a yellow barrier stops the rock. Willard points at Lorn 2, and the rock is flung at Lorn 2. Lorn casts Solarity to cast Wall of Force to trap the rock. 3,571 of damage slams into the wall and manages to crack it. Sbeen continues to throws rocks and kills two other pitfiends. Before other pitfiends are killed, Willard creates a portal and scoops up the rocks to redirect at Sbeen to the face. Sbeen catches his rock, looks at Lorn, and then throws two more rocks at Willard. They are redirected at Rhaegar and Rocky. While Rhaegar explodes, Rocky attempts to counterspell, who is counterspelled by the President of Hell, and Lorn 2 solarity counterspells again. Sbeen uses his Belt of Battle and runs up to Willard in a rage. Two more contingencies from Willard go off – heads of random Lucifer followers roll out in front of him. Sbeen rages and adds his 55 Strength to his save to avoid banishment. Sbeen attempts to grapple Willard, but Willard is slippery.
  • Biff uses his Inflame the Righteous and shouts: “Hey there, my name’s Biff. How she goin, eh Have you truly lost your way that you’re willing to give yourself up as pawns to Lucifer himself? What made you go down this path?” A divine radiant fire shield appears around the party to protect them Willard.
  • Alkaid casts Haste on herself and summons three Alkaid’s. She then uses her Belt of Battle to fire off her arrows at the pitfiends. Two of them explode.
  • Marven flies up toward the ceiling, then lands in front of the President of Hell. As he picks ethereal chains out of his teeth, he chats it up with him. After humoring him for a bit, he uses breath to engulf the room and his all the enemies. The final pitfiend melts.
  • Willard casts Spell Enhancer on himself and then quicken casts Quicken Bleeds on Marven. The cuts on him starts to bleed heavily. Willard starts to cast again, and Lorn Greater Counter Spells, which is countered, and then countered again with Reaving Dispel. Lorn gains a ridiculous number of spells, including the Friendly Fire that was flinging all of the ranged attacks against him on the party.
  • Lorn Quicken Evasculates Willard. Although he looses half of his health, he is not stunned. Rocky then charges at Willard, and Willard casts Contingency Banish. Rocky is able to withstand it and gores into him.
  • Willard starts to heal himself as the President of Hell. He shouts, “we’re gonna build that wall, and Mexico is going to pay for it.” A prismatic wall appears and encases both Lorns, Basile, Ciaran, Alkaid, and Kass. They are all affected by fire, acid, and electricity damage. Alkaid, Basile, and Kass are also turned into stone. Not only does Kass turn to stone, but his mind goes insane. The President then reaches into his robe to pull out a cell phone. He then calls a surprise ICE raid as 10 more pitfiends jump out of small portals.
  • Pit fiends start to attack Marven relentlessly and fireball, but everyone is immune to fire damage.
  • As Basile waits for death, since he can’t take damage and can’t move, Ciaran accesses Basile’s power to shoot two eldritch chains at the three pit fiends surrounding Marven. They all explode, and the final chain crits as it hits the President of Hell.
  • Pit fiends repeat their turn on Marven and eat him. They then turn on Rocky. Only one of them is able to do any damage. Lorn attempts to Reaving Dispel the President but failed, so he readied a counter spell.
  • Rhaegar is resurrected and then gated into the battle field.
  • The President of Hell receives a phone call, talks for a moment, and says, “Sorry, that was a saudi weapons deal.” All of the pitfiends are able to attack again on his turn. Ciaran and Rocky able to withstand their attacks, but Sbeen auto-dies.
  • President is upset and shouts, “Fake news!” He starts chanting, “lock her up!” and everyone is put into a force cage.
  • Kass is insane and has City Escape playing in his mind. As with every moment of his life, Basile wishes he could shut off the voices.
  • In the well of souls, H’rathen is fishing and pulls up Sbeen’s soul and quickly gates him back to the battle. He drops right into the wall to try and block it, and immediately take damage. He rages.
  • Biff starts hyping up the President about how great he is and tries to convince him that he shouldn’t work for Lucifer. His attempt to change the President’s alignment succeeds. In a flash of light, he becomes Bernie Sanders. Biff shouts, “Tear down that wall!” He drops the wall and Sbeen believes he ended the wall.
  • Although Alkaid can’t move, her clone teleports out of the force cage. She blurs and displaces herself.
  • Marven is dragged out of the well of souls and thrown back into the battle.
  • Willard casts Spell Enhancer and Rocky counterspells. Willard quicken casts Stun Ray at Biff and stuns him for three rounds. He then casts Evascular Mass at Sbeen, but it was countered by Lorn.
  • Rocky charges at Willard and attacks him six times. Lorn quicken cast Empowered Chaining Break Enchantment to release everyone from their stun and stone. Kass is still insane.
  • Bernie makes the force cages disappear and says, “I promise you, I will ensure medicaid for all if I remain President of Hell.” Everyone heals and Kass is relieved of his insanity.
  • Basile and Ciaran teleport to attack Willard and shoot off five eldritch blasts.
  • The pitfiends attack Sbeen and explode in divine light from Biff’s shield.
  • Lorn 2 preps his standard action.
  • Rhaegar runs up to Willard and swings at him with his epic great sword and Ancient Mountain Hammer. He is able to cleave into him deeply, destroy his Epic Mage Armor. As Willard shouts, “this is impossible!” Rhaegar slices off his head and stabs it into the ground.

Biff uses prestidigitation to clean the area and Lorn takes Willard’s body. Alkaid kicks Willard’s balls. Biff suddenly realizes that Bernie is going to explode. Marven uses his Great Maw of Marven to suck out the spell that will kill Bernie and puts it on himself. As thanks, Bernie gives Marven his “America Stick” – a cold iron good outsider bane quarter staff. Marven then excuses himself to go explode – it feels like heartburn. Willard has a heavily encrypted spellbook and a Vest of Spell Mastery. Lorn takes the items and disintegrates the rest of Willard’s body. He even disintegrates the dust.

Biff then asks if Bernie will help them destroy Lucifer. Bernie agrees to start a revolution and disperse Lucifer’s wealth too all the planes. Lorn asks if he can pass an executive order. He says, “Order 66,” and gives everyone scrolls. Lorn 2 then modify’s Lorn’s memory to erase the knowledge of how to kill everyone in the party. The scrolls list every way the party can die. When Lorn comes to his senses, all of his emotions have returned. It’s a welcome sight for the party.

Biff uses his Dove’s Harp to heal the party. Basile activates his fast healing and uses his Rod of Bodily Restoration and healing salves to heal himself. With everyone fully healed, Sbeen hears screaming in the next room. Everyone rushes down the hallway and hear tortured souls in the distance.

As they burst into room, they see long lines of people being tortured in horrific ways, including people they recognize: Oskar Krause is being forced down onto spikes to pierce his eyes, Sandor Clegane is being burned alive, Ember is being eviscerated by a giant blade while attached to a rack, Henrik Claymore is being eaten by rats, Rugen’s skeleton is trying to climb out of his body, and Korpi is being repeatedly electrocuted in a chair. Above each of them in ancient infernal, it reads, “Those who fail me deserve eternal punishment.”

Korpi immediately starts cry and apologizing to Kass and begs for help. Kass asks what she did to get here. Korpi explains that she failed to start the war between the Archipelago and the Commonwealth. Sbeen comes over to break the restraints on the chair and Korpi is flung out of the chair and passes out. The restraints then grab Sbeen and trap him in the chair. Sbeen tries to rage and escape but can’t. Biff casts Break Enchantment and soon replaces Sbeen in the chair. Lorn uses the remaining dust from Alexander Willard, creates a Simulacrum of Willard, and command him to take the place in the chair and stay forever.

As Bernie continues to offer himself as a replacement for those being tortured, Lorn and Biff cast modify memory on to make him think they have released the prisoners. Lorn takes one of his hairs for later.

Marven and Biff go to Ember. Biff asks if she remembers how they last met, and said he gave her several choices. He asks if Ember feels she has chosen the right side. She says she feels hatred for everything and only regrets not killing Marven sooner. With Biff’s help, a hologram projects from Marven’s memory. It shows a much kinder Ember trying to train Marven how to use his breath weapon, before fading away to show Ember’s bedroom. As she beckoned her betrothed to join her, Marven was attacked from behind. As he awoke, he found himself looking up at Erzai. The memory flashes forward again, and Marven is begging Ember for help. She mocks him for thinking she would marry him as Erzai continued to beat him. Finally, when Marven couldn’t bear it anymore, he let out a dragon’s roar and the vision faces. He brings out his sword and cleaves off Ember’s head, and her tortured if modified to include the sword.

Rhaegar goes up to Rugen and stands before him. Rugen asks for assistance, and Rhaegar tells him that we stole all of his gold and mock him. He states that Rugen and his family have nothing. Rugen curses him as his skeleton rips out of him before climbing back in to heal. Rhaegar asks him what hurts more: the shame of failing Lucifer, or that he traded in his life for nothing. Rugen says they will fail, but Rhaegar says that at least they won’t end up like him.

Sandor shouts that his fate is the same as theirs. Rhaegar goes over to him and Sandor states that he was glad to kill his daughter. Rhaegar says that he would have given Sandor everything, but Sandor wasted it all for nothing. With that, Rhaegar walks away and says that he forgives Sandor despite it all.

As Basile watches everyone’s interactions, he decides to walk over to Henrik and drop his invisibility. Henrik lunges to try and attack Basile, but is unable to. Basile laughs in his face and states that Henrik doesn’t scare him anymore. He states that he will never have to worry about Henrik in the shadows. Henrik says there will always be someone after him, and that his family should have abandoned him the moment they found him as a baby. Basile says that he is stronger than any enemy that may come after him.

When he goes to stand in front of Krause, he is pleased to see that Krause is surprised to see him alive. Basile asks how it feels knowing that he was out lawyered, out spellcast, and defeated in combat. Krause admits that he wishes things had gone differently, and says that he wouldn’t have followed Lucifer if he had known the outcome. Basile says that it wouldn’t change his mind for saving him from this place, but that he accepts the apology. Basile also notes that he was there at his death, and shows his invisibility. As Krause falls silent, Basile says, “I know what you’re thinking,” and feels the guilt in his mind. Basile leaves him to stew in his guilt.

Kass asks if they can send Korpi to a safe place. Basile sends a message to Dwayne and asks that he gate Korpi back to safety. As Dwayne takes Korpi, H’rathen pops in and said, “I told you Basile wouldn’t die,” and Dwayne loses the bet. He also notices Lorn is smiling and asks why. Lorn says, “No hard feelings,” as the gate closes.

As we head to enter the next room, Biff suggest that they don’t kill Lucifer and instead give him the chance to repent. The party is against the idea and vote to kill Lucifer. Bernie states they can impeach him. Lorn convinces him that murder is the best method of impeachment. Meanwhile, Alkaid asks Basile if they should put Biff back in Carcery. Basile says that need him – for now.

The next room shows several stone pillars with large gems atop them. Upon observation, they determine the gems are locking the door into the throne room. Lorn states they need to break the gems. Sbeen grabs the gem and one of the gems on the door lights up. Everyone buffs themselves with spells before they press their hand against each of the gems to unlock the door. They each find themselves mentally projected into individual small, well-lit rooms. There is a table with two glasses and a bottle of brandy. Sitting in one of the chairs is a handsome man with red skin, black hair, and tear streaks that reach from his eyes down his face.

  • Sbeen is invited to take a seat and picks up his glass, pinky out. Lucifer thanks him for coming and offers him a deal. He says he would like Sbeen to simply go home, and in exchange he offers Sbeen knowledge – his true origin and who he really is. He says he knows the group treats him strangely, and that Sbeen feels something is off about his life. Sbeen is taken aback by the offer, and states that he is Sbeen. Lucifer agrees, but asks if Sbeen feels like he’s forgotten something. He offers clarity. Sbeen asks if his friends are going home, too. Lucifer says maybe, but they are still chatting. Sbeen asks how Lucifer could offer him this when his lawyer couldn’t. Lucifer says he simply has information that Lorn doesn’t. Sbeen asks why he couldn’t take it from him now, and Lucifer says this encounter is happening in his mind. Lucifer offers his hand to Sbeen and asks if they have a deal. Sbeen thinks long and hard, goes to reach for his hand. As a triumphant gleam enters in Lucifer’s eye, Sbeen stops and grabs Lucifer by the collar and commands, “you’re going to tell me who I am.” Lucifer says, “we have to have a quid pro quo.” Sbeen said, “what does an octopus have to do with this? Am I an octopus?” Sbeen releases Lucifer and feels content being an octopus. He denies the deal.
  • Marven is greeted to Lucifer pouring a drink for himself. As he sits down, Marven asks if there’s food. A meal appears in front of him. When Lucifer asks if Marven wonders why he’s here, Marven says, “Well, you’re about to die, so I figure you’d want to try and negotiate.” Lucifer gives his bargain: he asks that Marven return home and stop bothering him, and in exchange he would tell Marven where Neebs is – the real Neebs. Marven says he doesn’t know what Lucifer is talking about, but Lucifer says that he has a thought bottle that will reveal all. Marven declines opening the thought bottle at that time. Lucifer says if Marven isn’t interested, he can offer many other things. Marven says, “what can you offer to a man with a full belly? I have been sworn to defeat you for three years, and far prettier devils have offered better deals.” With that, Lucifer sends him away.
  • Lorn takes a seat at the table and pours them both a drink. Lucifer introduces himself and says they’ve met many times before. Like the others, Lucifer says that they have been a nuisance. However, he says he’s a forgiving person and wants to make a deal. He states Lorn gave away his heart, his emotions, and sacrificed so much for the world. Yet he received nothing. Lorn pursues knowledge and Lucifer offers that knowledge in exchange for Lorn leaving so he may leave this prison, take revenge on those who harmed him, and he will make sure Lorn will never be forgotten. Lorn begins to soliloquy himself, stating that Lucifer has been invested in him his entire life. The world has given him problems to solve, and Lucifer is a problem to solve. This conversation isn’t new, exciting, or unexpected. Lucifer doesn’t bring much to the table. With that, Lorn banishes him from the room, his deal declined.
  • Kass nervously takes a seat in front of Lucifer. Kass ignores the drink that Lucifer offers, as he asks Kass to return home and leave him alone. He explains that he knows Kass doesn’t want to be there. He reaches beneath the desk and pulls out a briefcase. He gets a jar and sets it on the table. Inside the jar is a swirling blue mass, and Kass sees Korpi’s soul inside. Lucifer offers Korpi’s freedom, as well as love and acceptance in his life. Kass says that he has all of that with the group he’s with now. Lucifer states that Kass is technically stealing by taking Korpi from this realm, and this deal is the best way to get everything he wants. Lucifer offers his hand, but Kass has hope that they will find a way to save Korpi in the future and declines.
  • Alkaid starts looking for exists immediately. Lucifer tells her to calm down, assuring her he isn’t here to fight, and pours her a drink. Alkaid sits down, and when Lucifer asks why she’s so antagonistic, she says that he ruined her life. Lucifer apologizes and offers a chance to fix it. He explains that they have been a bother, and in exchange for her leaving, he will send her back to the Shalan era to be with her family. He says she has no true ties to this world and era, but she can go back to take revenge on Thaylin and save the family she misses. Alkaid reaches over and smacks his hand away, stating, “I don’t have a home, but I’m going to make one. I’m going to put an arrow through your throat so fast.”
  • Rhaegar is immediately tempted at the bottle of liquor on the table. Lucifer offers him a glass. Rhaegar takes the glass and swirls it under his nose, but he doesn’t take a  drink. Lucifer states he’s been watching their group for a long time, and he has noticed that they don’t give Rhaegar the credit he deserves. He states they lead him into traps, leave him to die, abandon him in perilous situations. Lucifer respects the strong, and he respects Rhaegar. He tells Rhaegar he can leave this place and live with his family, and in return he would ensure Rhaegar is respected. He knows he doesn’t lust for political power, but he has always pursued power. Rhaegar asks if that’s the offer he gave Sandor and Rugen. Lucifer admits they lusted for other things and were corruptible and weak, but Rhaegar is different. Rheagar says that Lucifer has attempted to corrupt him three times prior with the cursed sword. Lucifer clarifies that this is their time truly meeting, and reminds him that the associates have betrayed him. Rhaegar states that Lucifer isn’t wrong in the things he says, but wonders what Lucifer truly wants if it isn’t personal. Lucifer tells the story of how he was a king, but someone he loved and trusted overthrew him. Lucifer says that he and Rhaegar are not so different: they are men of conviction, who will do whatever it takes to keep his family safe. Rhaegar states, “the next time you want to make sweet words to someone, make sure you’re not indirectly responsible for having their family killed first.”
  • Biff takes a seat at the table, almost amicable with Lucifer. As Lucifer gives him a drink, Biff takes it and asks how Lucifer has been. Lucifer explains that he was forced to live in this place not long after Biff was imprisoned. Biff starts off my saying he doesn’t hold any grudge against Lucifer for what he did, but he says there is a set of rules that must be followed. On a divine scale, waging war against all races can’t be had. Lucifer says that he simply wants freedom and goes into his offer. When Biff says that all he wanted was to come and visit him, Lucifer says that he still remembers Biff’s mission and can assist him. Biff says that he can see through the bullshit, and Lucifer says that he wants to offer Biff restored divinity and godhood. He knows that Biff deserves more. Biff asks what leaving will do to benefit Lucifer, who states that the associates have been a thorn in his side. Biff states that while the offer is tempting, he will continue to be impartial and work toward the mission that Lucifer has complicated. He holds no ill will against Lucifer and only wants things to go back to the way things were, but he will not take a deal.
  • Basile takes the seat across form Lucifer, but as he is offered a drink, he pushes the glass away indignantly. Lucifer calls him, “blood of my blood,” which causes Basile to sneer. Basile says that Lucifer damned his childhood, made his teenage years a living hell, and his adult life a misery. However, he is thankful for the experience as it only made him strong enough to kill him. Lucifer says that he will erase all of the pain Ciaran has ever experienced as long as Basile returns home to live happily with his family. Basile states that Ciaran wanted to be an adventurer, and wanted to be strong enough to protect his family. He has made far too many decision without Ciaran’s consent in the past – he will not make another decision without Ciaran with him. As Lucifer goes to banish him, Basile adds, “Besides, what I desire most is for you to perish.”
  • Ciaran refuses to take a seat, stating that he’s fine standing. Lucifer cuts to the chats and states that he will change the fate of his, Basile. He will ensure that Basile never have to experience the tragedies he was forced into. Ciaran has the chance to save Basile and relieve him of his self-hatred. All Ciaran has to do is go back home to his family. Ciaran says that the offer doesn’t make sense, because he can’t have both: by returning home he would be with the Addler’s and the Associates, but if Lucifer changes Basile’s past, there would be no Addler family for Ciaran to live with. Lucifer tries to say that he would be able to find the Addler’s in a new timeline, but Ciaran says that it wouldn’t be the same. He is happy with what he has now: he has parents, brothers, a sister – maybe two, if Basile ever gets with Eyrene. They have come too far to give up now, and Ciaran wouldn’t disappoint his brother.

As the door opens before them, they feel an invitation from Lucifer to battle. All of the associates take the first step in together as a unified force. The tiles of the hall end as they seem to walk on an invisible floor. Below them, they see that the dark pit goes for forever. In the distance, Lucifer is 20ft tall, cloven feet, perfect abs, and male-presenting nipples. He raises his staff into the air, and nine mirrors manifest and light up. In the reflections, the party sees the images of Xi-Long, Levi Addler, Ashisa, Maurgery, Max, Alkaid’s Mother, Jennifer, The Lady of the Lake, and a man named Verrin Vayne. As Lucifer says, “fight me,” the mirror crack slightly and the figures in the mirror start convulsing in pain.

The scene cuts back to the material plane, and a huge cloud covers the sky. Suddenly, everyone in the material plane can witness the battle that’s about to take place.

  • Lucifer opens his arms as his eyes glow with an infernal light. Rhaegar loses strength, Biff loses charisma, Marven loses constitution, Alkaid took wisdom, Basile loses charisma, Ciaran intelligence.
  • Lorn uses his telekenesis to fling 25 swords at him. Only eight hit, but as they reach Lucifer, the arrows deflect and hit the mirror with the Lady of the Lake as she screams in pain. Rocky rushes forward and slams into Lucifer, and in the final hit the mirror shatters. Rocky feels his connection with the Lady of the Lake vanish.
  • Basile watches as the Lady dies, and immediately sends a message to his dad. When he doesn’t get a response and instead sees his dad in pain, he freezes and can’t bring himself to fight. Meanwhile, Ciaran casts Restoration to heal Basile from his charisma damage.
  • Biff tries to convince the party that the mirrors are an illusion and they are on a mission. He then tells Lucifer that he’s going down, and he casts Instill Dread to lower his saves.
  • Rhaegar raises Durendal, prays to Roland, and casts Miracle. Everyone’s stats return to normal.
  • Basile finally hears his father’s voice telling him to take Lucifer down. He tells his dad that he’s sorry and shoots off three eldritch blasts, breaking down as he watches the mirror shatter with over 200 damage.
  • Alkaid shoots at the mirror and casts Temporal Displacement. The mirror pops out of existence. Her clones then shoot at Lucifer, but the arrows deflect and his the mirror with Xi-Long.
  • Sbeen runs up to Jennifer’s mirror.
  • Marven looks up at the mirror, looks down at his wedding ring, and sends her a message. He asks that Lili takes her into the room with the deck of many things. However, the anti-magic field in the room doesn’t sever the connection. Ashisa tells him to destroy Lucifer and return to Lili safely. Marven opens up the thought bottle. He is immediately flooded with emotions and memories: when Neebs thinks Marven was a weird shirt person, then when he first saw Marven’s wings and was jealous, to when they were singing Akon songs outside the strip club, the argument about the old-racist man, and finally when they were in Mechanus and finally became friends. Marven runs up to Lucifer, witnessing projected memories of Marven and Neebs. An image of Neebs appears behind Marven, and he unleashes a mighty breath of the Ember Flame on Lucifer as Neebs fires off his arrows for 23,475 damage.
  • Kass whispers, “I’m sorry,” as he fires off arrows into the mirror and shatters it.
  • Bernie sanders casts “Feel the Bern” to give us a bonus to hit, and then “Bring the Troops Home,” to move everyone on the field.
  • Lucifer whips out his tail and whirlwind attacks, hitting Basile, Rocky, and Rhaegar. His poison courses through Basile and Rhaegar as they take 11 con damage.
  • Lorn casts Meteor Strike into Lucifer’s face, which is redirected into Jennifer’s mirror, the shards falling between Sbeen’s fingers. Rocky slams his horn into.
  • Ciaran casts Restoration again to heal Basile. Meanwhile, Basile blasts at the mirror with Biff’s unknown friend, unable to willingly kill Rhaegar’s wife. The mirror shatters.
  • Biff shouts, “Lucy Morningwood,” as he runs around Lucifer up to the mirror with Maurgery and pulls out an unholy heavy pick. He swings it twice until it shatters, then takes one final swing at Lucifer but misses.
  • Rhaegar, having seen his wife die a second time, pulls out his epic great sword and lunges at Lucifer. He shouts, “IT WASN’T PERSONAL, WAS IT?” and Lucifer growls that he was warned. He slices into Lucifer’s legs several times with 449 damage.
  • Lorn 2 pulls out a gnarly looking staff made of bone with an eleven skull at the top. He points it directly at Lucifer and says, “I wish you could feel the same pain that you inflicted on all of us.” The wish spell goes off and many wounds split open on Lucifer’s body. He takes ¼ of the damage the party dealt: 6500 damage.
  • Alkaid commands Xylander to flee the scene and she and her clones unleash dozens of arrows onto him, dealing over 500 damage.
  • Sbeen throws five rocks at Lucifer, which split into five more rocks. He does 42,864 damage and managed to trip him. In response, Lucifer casts Annihilation Ray and obliterates him. Ciaran activates his Amulet of Second Chances to turn back time and bring back Sbeen. Instead, Lucifer casts his ray at Lorn, who is able to withstand the spell.
  • Marven touches his wedding ring again, but receives no reply. Memories of his wife project in front of him, and he dives down on Lucifer and unleashes another empowered breath weapon with 9,000 more damage.

Lucifer, who has become the shell of a man he once was, shouts “Fine! If I can’t leave, none of you may!” A small red light flies up into the air and the entire plane of existence starts to shudder.

The party has one round to do 277,000 damage in order to kill Lucifer and survive the planer wipe. Otherwise, the mortal plane will be saved, but the heroes will sacrifice themselves in the process.

  • Lorn casts Greater Solarity, snatches the staff from Lorn 2, and says, “I wish for the more damage possible to bring down this terror.” Everyone’s strikes are blessed to hit and do critical damage.
  • With that, Rhaegar jumps up onto Lucifer’s chest and starts swinging down into him, all of his pent up rage and pain dealing 796 damage.
  • Biff equips various items from the gods, casting Major Illusion for additional flare. He then runs up, pulls out his mace, and slams it into the side of Lucifer’s head for 100 damage.
  • Sbeen grabs all of his rocks and throws them high into the air. He then leaps up and spins, transforming into his true form: an octopus. He then catches the rocks and, like a weapon of destruction, a cannon of sorts, he deals 264,000 damage as they slam into his body.
  • Lorn runs over to Marven and casts Breath Antimixture to imbue him with power. He then whispers, “Today is the first day of the last of your life,” as Rocky charges forward to gore Lucifer in the ribs, dealing 4,524 damage. Lorn then quicken spell Arrow of Bone to all of his arrows, uses his Belt of Battle to fling all of his arrows at Lucifer, and does 53,895 damage as the arrows pincushion Lucifer along the side.
  • Projections and memories of Neebs and all of their friends surround Marven. He lets out another breath weapon down into Lucifer to deal 3,750 damage.
  • Kass shoots his scream bow and critically hits Lucifer, whistling Mmmbop to try and lighten up the mood and keep their spirits high as they fight for their lives.
  • Alkaid shifts into her hawk form to fly up into the air, and as she transforms back, she descends down like the angels that watched Lucifer fall. She states, “Here’s a deal, you stay silent forever.” She and her clones then deal 6,984 damage as they rain down silver tipped arrows.
  • Basile flies up and hovers over Lucifer’s face, looking down at him as he accesses Ciaran’s chameleon to cast Smite on himself. He spins his glaive and stabs it down into Lucifer’s eye. He drags the blade down the tear streak, trying to kill the part of himself that he inherited from him. He and Ciaran then shoot two eldritch blast for a combined 1,000 damage. As he watches the light starts to dim from Lucifer’s eyes, he says, “Thanks for everything.”

Everything falls silent as the mortal plane watches the outcome in the clouds above. As everything starts to grow fuzzy and fade away, there is an explosion of cheering, laughing, and crying. They were all saved from inevitable destruction thanks to Sbeen and Associates featuring Dwayne the Rock Gnome Johnson’s Amulet of Second Chances.

In Infernus, a bright light encompasses the god that the realm was built upon. Every single fiend and damned soul is wiped out. For a moment, it is uncertain if our heroes are able to escape, but as the light fades, the entire army find themselves in the mountain ranges surrounding Sbeensenshire.

As the shock settles, the armies of allies start to cheer as the associates regain their senses. Rhaegar uses his miracles with Durendal to bring their loved ones back to life, as Sbeen uses all of his tentacles to pull everyone into a hug. Marven bites octopus because he’s becoming ravenous, but stops trying in order to tackle Ashisa once she appears next to the group. Biff is shocked to see his past lover resurrected. Lorn hugs Lorn 2 as Rocky reunites with the Lady of the Lake. Kass runs and hugs Maz and Korpi, thankfully to finally have his friends back. Basile collapses into his father’s arms and apologies for having to hurt him. Alkaid realizes it wasn’t her mother in the mirror, but the time dragon. She hugs her regardless, realizing that she has someone to tie her to this world.

After the rush of victory passes, they return to a welcome home celebration. They are almost bombarded with the amount of people who are cheering for them.

  • Rhaegar runs to embrace his family, especially his daughter.
  • Biff clasps Verin’s arm and says, “As you know, I still have things to do,” and goes off to continue his mission.
  • Sbeen looks over at Jennifer and states that he wants his own child named Roman.
  • H’rathen comes up to Lorn and says, “Looks like you’re alone, too.” Lorn says, “I’m way out of your league.” The two of them hug. Lorn then pays one of Kass’s artists 100 gold and tells him to capture this moment.
  • Rocky tackles the Lady of the Lake and licks her all over. He wants to have more children than Sbeen.
  • Marven holds Lili on his shoulders, who is spitting fire excitedly. Ashisa is holding their other daughter, Daisy.
  • Kass excitedly explains everything that happened to Maz and Korpi and formally introduces them to the associates.
  • Alkaid says goodbye to her foster mother and goes off to lay down on the grass and look up at the run, in true anime fashion. Ciaran runs over to Tomas and Judah and hug them, happy to still have his adopted family.
  • Basile hugs his family as well, telling Tomas that he hoped he was taking notes to write the perfect ending for his novels. He then catches Eyrene’s eye and runs to her. He scoops her up in a tight embrace, gives her an emboldened kiss, and says that he’s finally ready for her.

As the camera pans away, we see the artist perfect his painting and shows it to the group. It’s the final time the Sbeen and Associates are together as adventurers and heroes.

EPILOGUE

Rhaegar decides to leave Neebsenshire to return to Lahnsborough. He visits the High King of the Commonwealth and demands reparations of the Clegane family name, stating, “What are you gonna do, say no to the guy who helped destroy Lucifer?” With his family name restored, Rhaegar works with Jubair to help create a City of Brass upon the material plane. This allows the fire genasi to visit and not squat in random homes. With the help of Lorn, he shrinks his home back in Neebsenshire to relocate in Lahnsborough. He converts it into the Red Dragon Inn, and co-runs it with his friend, Thrask. He invites all members of the Associates to visit at their leisure, and makes sure there are always drinks on the house for them. He has some more kids with his wife and spends the rest of his days with them, passing down his tavern to his children after he passes away.

After being drained of so much XP from the fight with Lucifer, the raisin of a man that was Dwayne the Rock Gnome Johnson returned home to rest. Once he was back in top form, he worked to continue bringing peace to the Ni’yuu Archipelago. Over the years, his country’s economy boomed with the help of Alkaid’s teleportation timeshares linking the tropical oasis with the wintery Modelheim. Once he felt his destiny was complete, he made good of his promise to Bahamut and became his personal chef – immortalizing himself with the gods. It is said that the scent of Dwayne’s famous star cookies is sometimes carried in the wind.

Biff treasured his short time with the associates, and as left Neebsenshire to continue his mission, he continued to remember them fondly as the only friends he had in many millennia. The star elf went to White Run, where an ancient tree connected to the gods was planted. There, he read Ioun’s book and was welcomed back to meet with the gods face to face. He set forth in his plan to defeat Tharizdune, and some say that the fight is still going on to this day.

Now that Sbeen knew his true identity as the octopus he always wanted to be, he decided that he didn’t want to fame and attention that the Associates were receiving. He and Jennifer decided to leave Neebsenshire, returning the town to the hands of Duaprh Dwarfson, in order to find a place of their own. Called back to the water, he took residence in a small lake nearby Rocky and the Lady of the Lake. Over time, he built a castle and moved the base of Sbeen and Associates there, per Jennifer’s suggestion. His many (octopus?) children went to war with Rocky and his fey children, throwing rocks over the walls. However, it was a friendly war where no one was severely hurt. Once Sbeen got too old to run the guild, he passed along his torch to a man named Doraleous.

While Rocky and Lorn stay connected for the rest of their days, Rocky lives the rest of his life with The Lady of the Lake. They continue to expand their keep and produce strange fey children, who are frenemies with their octopus neighbors. Rocky teaches his children that “rhinos never back down,” much to their dismay as rocks are continuously flung at them. Meanwhile, Lorn sent his many simulacrums to watch over his friends, each one protecting an Associate in the background. He sent his closest follower, Lorn 2, to protect Mechanus as Pythos works with Zett to rebuild and restore law. In time, Lorn 2 hopes to become their top lawyer. Lorn himself retired at Neebsenshire and spent the rest of his time gardening a tiny druid grove in front of his wizard tower and reading, though he doesn’t bother deciphering Willard’s book. After several hundred years, once all of his friends have passed on, he gives up his magic to join Vernierdegar and play The Great Game.

Following the defeat of Lucifer, Marven went home to the Lair. He and Ashisa had 31 more children together, and they luckily didn’t share Marven’s appetite. Ashisa lived for another three hundred years, and Marven loved her for every one of them. After her passing, Marven passed down The Lair to Regis, who promptly lost the keys – which were taken by Lorn. Marven wandered where his nose took him, visiting town after town to eat the best food he could find. After a few centuries of this, people began leaving food out for him on elaborately decorated altars. Eventually, he came upon a small tiki bar that brought back memories of a group of nine unique individuals who came together to do great things; they fought family, for family, and while they did not always get along, they were always together. It is here, where he is finally reunited with his best friend, who was once lost to time: Neebs.

Although Kass lives the rest of his days at the Bard College in Neebsenshire, he briefly returns home with Maz and Korpi to his home town. They learn that the half-dragons and raptorans are no longer at odds and have learned how to get along after witnessing Kass sacrifice so much to help his half-dragon companions. Once he returns in Neebsenshire, he makes friendship bracelts for all of the Associates to ensure they are together even when they are apart.

Alkaid works with Dwayne and her time share between the Archipelago and Modelheim is a huge success over the years. Once that is thriving, she builds a historical center in Neebsenshire to honor her heritage and the Shalan Era. She then takes it upon herself to explore the various planes as a Planes Walker Ranger, returning to the material plane to visit her friends. Some say that the random goat bleats inside the Red Dragon Inn are a sign of her brief return.

Basile decides that he no longer wants to be immortal, as he doesn’t want to outlive his loved ones. He lives in Neebsenshire for the rest of his life, converting part of the Temple of Ioun into a bookstore and magic items shop. His parents and Tomas choose to stay as well, while Judah and Charlotte return to Modelheim to continue running the city. Basile creates a portal connecting the two towns together so his family can stay in touch. While the Kenter’s also return home, Eyrene chooses to stay with Basile and after several years of courtship, they get married and have a daughter: Maeve, who thankfully doesn’t inherit any of his tiefling roots. Once his now mundane life comes to an end, he is relieved to find that he is welcomed into Ioun’s graces and is reunited with his family in the afterlife.

Meanwhile, Ciaran decides to spend his teenage years assisting around the Temple of Ioun and the Bard College. He spends a lot of time with the associates who stay in Neebsenshire, but will teleport to visit his friends on their travels. However, all of the Associates make time to visit on his birthday to hold a party at The Lair.

H’rathen faithfully stays in Neebsenshire as the Cleric of Kord in the Temple. He watches his friends come and go over many years, until 400 years have passed and he is on his deathbed. Ciaran and Lorn are by his side: the only two Associates remaining. Lorn states that “H’rathen will be disappointed when he doesn’t see Kord.” Ciaran playfully scolds Lorn for being mean, but H’rathen smiles and says, “Fuck you, Lorn,” as he passes away and awakens at a wild bar fest in Ysgard. He sees Kord in the corner and shouts, “I knew you were real!” before passing along tales of Neebs and Associates for ages to come.

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